Friday, December 23, 2011

If You Wanna Go...

That awkward moment when you realize someone you once really cared about has become someone you still care about.  Not even become, if you're going to be honest, but really always has been.

It's late, my eyes are tired, but my spirit is even more tired of caring for people and things in my life that honestly don't deserve it...the people who have totally messed with my heart but yet can still bring me to tears in one thought.  They are the people who make me hate that I'm so sensitive, that I let them into my life at all, that I would still be willing to give them a chance if they were to ask for one.  Does that make me pathetic?  Weak?  Or does that make me grace-giving?

But the other half of me shuts down the care with little ounces of dignity and self-worth.  No one should settle for being kind of liked or for uncertainty that ends in heartache.  We cling to what we love, even if it doesn't love us back.  Are we like Christ in that way?

Maybe it's the self-analyzation that should stop.  Maybe I've stepped into the trap of thinking about how I can best serve God instead of focusing on God Himself.  I mean isn't that what church is teaching us these days?  What if I don't trust in my own strength?

I have way too many questions and no answers, like usual.  Actually though, I do have an answer for something, a little piece of truth.  You can't make someone love you if they don't, and even a step farther than that, you can't make someone admit that they do if they won't.  The wisdom comes in realizing that these two things are the same.
So for all the people who don't think you're worth it or aren't sure enough about themselves to ever love you the way you should be loved, let them walk away without a fight.  If they wanna go, just let them go.  And if they ever have the audacity to come back, forgive them.  But remember that they have an unsophisticated heart, and remember the precious nature of yours.  For it is in forgetting that we lose ourselves.

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