Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Expense of Knowledge

Lately I've been tripping over my words, unable to articulate exactly what I want to say.  Because of this, I've felt extremely isolated from several people, like I've been dropped in the middle of the ocean only worse because I don't know what words to use to call out.  This may seem like a dramatic description of loneliness, but it's's more of a longing for something specific because of someone I used to know.  And honestly, I think this feeling, or sense of reality, rises parallel to an increase of knowledge.  The reason I say this is because my vocabulary has grown, and in turn, my knowledge of words that symbolically demonstrate exactly what I mean through language.  Therefore, if I'm talking and cannot find a word that will connote my exact intention, I get frustrated because I know it exists.  Not only does it exist, but it exists somewhere in my mind only I lack the ability to recall it.

Little more drives one to madness than knowing that which you desire exists yet is ungraspable.  I actually think this is the downfall of humanity.  However, God has brought the ungraspable to us through Christ, but somehow this seems like more of a metanarrative when compared to everyday life.  I'm not saying God isn't sufficient by any means, but I am saying we as humans sometimes long for what we don't have not because we don't have it but because whatever "it" is directs us toward Christ.  So when God withholds these things from us, He could be saying a multitude of things: 1) Recognize the inadequacy of that which is not Divine, like words for example.  Have patience with those who don't understand the unarticulated parts of you, and rejoice for the time I give you with those who do.  Let the latter not become idols, or they will eventually lead to your destruction.  For only I can know the disgusting nature of a sinful heart and still love you. 2) Wait.  Now is not the time to be given what you desire because you are not yet ready for it.  Trust.  Endure. 3) You have deceived yourself about what you want.  Be rational.  Remember. 4) I came so that you may have Life and have it to the full.  I will not withhold Life from you, but I may withhold knowledge for Life's sake.

Knowledge comes at a great cost.
So we may not find the words to ever have perfect communication, but don't take for granted those who connect with you through the unspoken.  They surely are few and far between.  And this, God most avidly knows.

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