i went out with a friend about a week ago, and he told me about his theory, his theory of complex vs. complicated problems. i won't go into much detail about the complicated problems because those don't involve people. but complex problems, he said, don't have solutions the way complicated ones do. he explained that as a child, the way you went about solving a problem was vastly different than the way you do now, or at least it should be, but that only helps you with complicated problems. of course this theory isn't fool-proof and can be confusing, but hear me out...
complex problems are complex because with every new interaction you have with someone, it changes your entire relationship, my friend explained.
only here's the catch: i think our resistance to change is limiting our ability to solve complex problems. for example, you have an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend and you see them randomly one day while walking down the street, and all of a sudden all these feelings of pain, regret, remorse come flooding back to you. it's because you haven't let change have its way, you've stuck so long to who that person used to be to you that you aren't willing to give it up, let them be who they are to you now.
i realized that i don't want to run into people from my past and already have all these pent-up emotions about them. i want to let every new interaction with them shape who they are in my life, to let go of who they were. because this sick obsession with wanting things our own way keeps us from experiencing better things. just because there were bitter feelings in a past relationship doesn't mean that person can't someday be something different to you. maybe someday you won't feel anything but joy for them, if you would only let it be complex rather than stuffing it into the complicated category. see, what if it's not a solution we need? what if it's redemption? what if we need to allow change to transform our messed up relationships?
i know that nostalgia can be a powerful remedy, but i think it's a fake bandage. nostalgia can be good in small doses, but when it rules our lives, it takes the healing from our hearts.
it's time. to move forward. to deal with the past and stop letting emotions control. the paradox is that when we let emotions control us, we miss out on the best of them. and i don't just want to live my life, i want to feel it.